It's a true story, I swear!!

As I begin writing this I don't know that anyone will believe this story to be true so I'm telling you- IT IS TRUE- although it seems like it belongs in an intense fictional book instead of actually occuring in my life.

It begins with a runny nose and two boys. Carson and Lincoln had colds, no big deal.  Then after two weeks of being grumpy they go to the doctor and it's a sinus infection for both of them.  Steve joins the sick party after having a tooth extraction requiring a cadaver bone implant and antibiotics... now it's three miserable boys in our house.  Another week goes by and Steve now has the same sinus infection as the boys and the boys are not better.  Keeping the multiple bottles of antibiotics on schedule is becoming a bigger job to keep track of and my sink seems to always have a handful of little medicine cups or syringes in it.  Next is Lincoln's ear infection and Steve is throwing up.  At this point I'm sick of sick people but I know it can't last much longer.

Well, Steve throws up non-stop for 5 days, let me stress the NON-STOP part.  So finally he goes to the Instacare on a Saturday afternoon.  They run some tests and say they'll have answers for him on Monday morning, meanwhile he's to stop taking the antibiotics for the sinus infection he still has that also has a terrible cough along with it.  Monday morning comes and I call the Instacare and I'm told the results aren't ready yet but maybe by 5 pm that day.  So while Steve continues throwing up and now has a permanent bed at the side of the toilet, I wait til 5 pm and then call the Instacare again.  I'm told the results are still being processed and that "this stuff just takes time but it should be ready in the morning."  So we survive another night of him throwing up and Carson and Lincoln taking turns waking up because the stubborn infections they have are still lingering.  We made it to Tuesday!  Steve has now lost about 10 pounds and doesn't get out of bed, doesn't glance at his phone or ipad (which is a big deal for him), has missed days of work and just lays there half asleep most of the time. Again I call for the results that the Instacare 'had to have' before knowing how to proceed treating him.  I shouldn't have been shocked when they say they don't have them yet.

So we head to the Emergency Room- I wheel him in in a wheelchair and it's amazing how the threat of throw up got him a room in a 'completely full' hospital really fast.  They got him hydrated, stopped the nausea and gave him morphine for his intense abdominal pain and started running tests.  The ER doctor checked the computer for the tests that were done at the Instacare- it showed that all our waiting had been for nothing... the tests we needed had not even been ordered!  I thought I was going to boil over!!  So we put our trust in the ER, hoping they would be timely about getting the tests done.  So when results came back within a couple hours stating that 'all looked just fine' they sent us home with some anti-nausea and pain meds- I was skeptical that he could keep the pills in his stomach long enough for them to work. 

I got Steve home and ran to the pharmacy to pick up his prescriptions- it was a long line at the drive thru but I was too tired to go in so I waited and waited instead (dumb philosophy I know).  It was finally my turn to pull up after a solid 15 minute wait.  As I am driving forward, the car behind me zooms in front of me and takes my spot!  I honked my horn and rolled down my window and loudly stated that it was my turn and they needed to move- she said 'sorry'.  I again said that I had been waiting a long time and she had cut me off, her reply was 'sorry'.  I haven't felt so out of control in a long time!  I was tired, out of options to help Steve, in a hurry to pick up the kids and now this was the last straw!  I really wanted to rear-end that stupid lady's car but instead I zoomed off and went inside the pharmacy... I did come up with 10 great options for revenge- I really had had it!

Well it was time for parent/teacher conferences so I left a drugged up husband with Carson and Lincoln and took the girls to their appointments. When we got home there was a police car in front of our house and the officer was ringing the doorbell.  I hurried over to him to explain my husband was home but not able to get to the door because he was so sick.  The officer said he was responding to a 911 call and when the dispatch had called our number back the little voice on the phone said "Lincoln is eating two apples and he's not supposed to eat apples." I stood there trying to figure out how on earth he had called 911.  The officer broke my trance when he asked to get inside the house and make sure everything was ok.  Oh duh!  Of course I should be running in the house to see that they are alive... but how the heck did they call 911?  So I ran in, let the officer in and I found Steve and the boys all watching a movie together and sure enough, Lincoln has two half-eaten apples in his hands (hence the reason they never get a whole apple, I always cut them up.)  I apologized to the officer who was kind enough not to make me feel like a complete idiot but because we had left in such a hurry for the girls' appointments we had left the side gate open- displaying a mess of old leaves and Steve's old beater Jeep. The front porch and driveway was covered with blankets, shoes, toys, piles of sand and a host of other odd things that portrayed that we were a bunch of hillbillies that let our kids run wild and who's kids would have to call 911 to tattle.

When I asked Carson what happened he said that Kaylee taught him to call 911 before we left and that dad was asleep when Lincoln was getting the apples out.   I didn't know who to be mad at Kaylee or Carson... in the end it was funny and Carson is prepared for a real disaster.

We made it through that night although I consumed way too much chocolate but Steve at least didn't throw up and the meds made him sleepy so it was a calmer night.  I called the Instacare again in the morning, we still needed to see if there was anything different from their tests versus the emergency room.  They told me the same "it's still pending story" and after I explained how stupid that sounds and that it can't possibly be true they say "sorry".  (I'm sick of that word used so falsely!)  Then a while later the Instacare calls back and says they've had the results since the very first day I called and everything looks completely normal. 

As a side note here-- I like to think I'm a hard person to upset but I wasn't at all pacified that the results were 'competely normal' or that the Instacare had the results just like they said they would-- I was so upset that I had been strung along for what felt like years without options to proceed because someone couldn't figure out Steve's tests.  It was a true test to not lash out at the incompetent person I was talking to and to not strangle the phone in my hands hoping it would somehow reach them.

I know I've become insane at this point- so Steve's mom took the kids for a while as did my mom so that I could escape the germ and filth infestation at our house.  I went shopping and retail therapy cured me.  I bought some cute Easter decorations- one of which is a big, cuddly looking ceramic bunny... I knew the kids would love it's big eyes and cute face.  Ahhhh... shopping is good for stress especially since I've been too worn out to run off my stress or get ready for our half marathon that's in 2 weeks, yes I said TWO WEEKS.

Days passed- Steve didn't throw up but barely ate anything- another 5 pounds of weight loss.  All and all the doctors passed this all off as a bad virus that he just needs to get through on his own.  He's starting to heal, eat and get out of bed and through it all he still has a terrible cough to get rid of.  Lincoln is doing better- well enough that he climbed on the table where my new bunny was and tried to hold it.  It became a shattered mess on the floor... juuuust great.  Well, add it to the mess already on the floor that needs to be cleaned up.  What's retail therapy anyway?

Just as Steve is getting better, the boys finished their second round of antibiotics for the sinus infections/new ear infections but Carson didn't seem better at all, in fact he now had a fever plus a cough that kept him up all night and made him throw up (I'm more than a little sick of throw up and cleaning the associated bathrooms).  So another trip to the doctor shows that he now has pneumonia and he is now on a breathing treatment 3 times a day.

I again needed to escape, so I went to the temple to plead for heavens help. My running pal Jamie and I were doing baptisms and it was Jamie's turn to go into the font.  While I waited the little grandma that was helping asked if I wanted to hand Jamie her towel when she got out... sure, why not, I thought...but then the old grandma said "it's a motherly kind of thing to do."  Well that was a weird thing to say right?  Oh well, she's old.  But then Jamie stood there freezing, wrapped in the towel I gave her, while I had my turn. The old grandma told Jamie she could stand there and watch "while her mom had a turn".  WHAT!?!  I am old enough to be my friends mom?!  and she's young enough to be my daughter?!  It was a downer for my 'comfortable in my 30's self-image' but it was just an OLD grandma right?  I'll get over it.

Whew, it's now Sunday March 11, 2012 and we are all still alive and hopefully headed in a healthy direction.  Steve got a phone call for a meeting with the bishop at 8:20 am - he knew that he really needed to go to it but we forgot that it's daylight savings so he had to be out of bed and at an appointment at 7:20 am when he's barely left the house for 2 weeks.  He made it to the appointment and found out he was being released as the ward mission leader and wasn't as of yet given a calling.  The girls were happy to hear that dad wouldn't have so many meetings anymore.  Amazingly enough, a couple hours passed and the Stake executive secretary called to have Steve and I come in for a meeting with a member of the Stake presidency... haha!  so much for a break in callings! but he's excited for a new assignment.  So... saying yes to a new calling will bring blessings for sure right? ...any that might ensure good health?